The word for today is exhausted. He was up last night with steroids, and his body is processing amazing amounts of toxic stuff, so you can imagine that he's a little wiped out.
I have a request... they say that laughter is the best medicine, right? So, swamp the comments with the best (or worst) jokes you got, funny stories, lame pictures, you get the idea. :) Keep them coming whenever you think about them and have time to write them. He reads all of the comments on this blog regularly, and I will make SURE he reads the laughs. Have fun! Oh yeah, keep 'em clean!
Thanks.
Marleigh
St. Peter stands at the pearly gates "checking people in". He begins to get bored, so he strikes up a small conversation with the next man in line.
ReplyDeleteSt. P: "What's your IQ?"
Man #1: "140"
St. P: "Wow!! I look forward to having stirring intellectual and theological conversations with you! Welcome to Heaven!"
The next man in line steps forward.
St. P: "Do you mind if I ask your IQ also?"
Man #2: "Sure. My IQ is 110."
St. P: "Fantastic. I will look forward to some good discussions with you. Welcome to Heaven."
As the next man in line approaches, St. Peter is ready.
St. P: "Do you mind if I ask you what your IQ is?"
Man #3: "Sure. My IQ is 60."
LONG PAUSE......
St. P: "Soooo...Did you get your deer yet?"
:)
Hi,
ReplyDeleteDid you hear about when George W. Bush was President and he was in a Airport and saw a man in the back of the airport who was looking out a window. The man looked like Moses. He got the Pres. attention and Pres. Bush went over to him and asked him if he was Moses. No comment. Geo. W. spoke up again and said " Are you Moses'. No comment. He thought the man had a hearing problem so shouted out the question. The man turned to him and said" Yes, I am Moses and the last time I talked to a Bush I wandered 40 years in the wilderness"
Got another St. Peter joke - Clean . . . I think:
ReplyDeleteScene 1: Just completing a Couples weekend retreat, a busload of them were headed back to civilization. On a sharp curve, the driver lost control of the bus, it went over a cliff and all were lost.
Scene 2: The keeper of the Pearly Gates, St. Peter began to interview each of the couples. "What is your names," he asked. They responded and took a step back when St. Pete said: "Oh yes, I know who you are. It says here in my copy of the Book of Life that you were known commonly as alcoholics. In fact, sir, you love alcohol so much that you married a girl named "Sherry." I'm sorry, but you must spend a little time down below. See ya later.
Couple Two: Name please. Answer. Oh yes, I see here that you folks disobeyed the first and greatest commandment. "Thou shalt have no other Gods before thee." You worshipped money. In fact you loved money so much, sir, that you even married a girl named "Penny." I'm sorry, but you must spend some time down below before coming up again for admission review to heaven.
Couple 3: Dejected and with heads lowered, they Turned around and headed down below voluntarily with this following admissive comment . . . "Come on, Fanny. We don't have a chance! :-)
By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends!
ReplyDeleteSomeone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world!
There is a very fine line between 'hobby' and 'mental illness'.
LDStockwell
Setting: SouthWest Mississippi.
ReplyDeleteA new preacher came to the community and attendance at his first Sunday service was pretty sparce. Needless to say, so was the offering plate. The preacher said to himself " I'm going to have to drum up a little business or I'll be eating beans in no time."
Upon some reflection, he came up with a solution. "I'll take a walk through town, meet people, get aquainted, and invite them to church!"
The next day was a nice sunny day so he decided to put his plan into action. He walked down the street fellowshipping people and inviting them to Sunday service. he crossed the tracks and came upon a good o'le boy out in his front yard.
"Howdy, I'm Reverend Smith the new preacher."
"Howdy, ma names Cletus."
"Pleased to meet you Cletus."
Now the preacher sensed it had been quite awhile since Cletus had stepped inside a church. A simple invitation wasn't going to be enough. He decided to do a little proselyting.
"Cletus, are you lost?"
"Heck no I ain't lost, I've lived right here all my life."
"Now brother Cletus, you don't understand; are you ready for judgement?"
"Uhh, when's it gonna be?"
"Well I don't rightly know. It might be today or it might be tomorrow."
Cletus whipered back to reverend Smith
"Well don't tell my wife, she'll want to go both days!"
Another Bush joke for you:
ReplyDeletePresident Bush was in Vegas. He found himself in front of a soda machine. So he put in his money, pushed the button, and a can popped out.
He did it again.... and again.... and again... and again.
Finally, as the pile cans grew around him, a Secret Service agent approached the President and informed him "Sir, we need to leave now."
Bush turn to him and in frustration proclaimed, " Not yet... I'm winning!!!"
Hey Bishop,
ReplyDeleteMarleigh said you might enjoy some jokes... oddly enough I received this one this morning and thought it was an "older persons joke" until I saw #8... I guess you can relate!
Our family loves you and your family. We hope that you are doing better today...
You and your family are in our every prayer!
Lovingly,
The Franzen Crew
GAMES FOR WHEN WE ARE OLDER
1. Sag, you're It.
2. Hide and go pee.
3. 20 questions shouted into your good ear.
4. Kick the bucket.
5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says Bend Over.
6. Musical wheelchairs.
7. Simon says - something incoherent.
8. Pin the Toupee on the bald guy.
SIGNS OF MENOPAUSE :
1. You sell your home heating system at a yard sale.
2. You have to write post-it notes with your kids' names on them.
3. You change your underwear after a sneeze.
OLD IS WHEN:
1. Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
2. You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.
3. Getting a little action means you don't need fiber today.
4. Getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.
5. An all-nighter means not getting up to pee!
THOUGHTS FOR THE WEEKEND:
Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctr- Alt- Delete' and start all over?
If raising children was going to be easy, it never would have started with something called 'labor!'
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.
Ponderisms
I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.
Garden Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to to buy a replacement
Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?
In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird.
Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out?'
Who was the first person to say, 'See that chicken there? I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt.'
Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if he's going to look up there anyway?
But Most Of All, Remember!
A Good Friend Is Like A Good Bra: Hard to Find, Supportive, Comfortable, And Always Close To Your Heart!
Do you ever wonder why you gave me your email address?
Q: What do you call a sleep walking NUN?
ReplyDeleteA: A Roman Catholic.
This was my favorite Laffy Taffy joke.
Cheryl Ayer
This is not really a joke but a sweet funny child's comment.
ReplyDeleteOur son Jonathan and his wife Alissa just had a baby girl on Sunday, 23 August. She weighed 11 pounds 1 ounce, if you can believe it, and one must because they have a photo of the baby on the scale!
Later in the afternoon I brought 4-yr old Eldon and 2.5-yr old Caleb (who has spina bifida) to see Mom and new baby sister. Everything went well for quite a while, with the boys playing in the birthing pavillion room, climbing all over the place, etc. Then baby Leah opened a really good set of lungs and let out a roar. Caleb was being held by someone and he looked at Leah, stuck an index finger in each ear and said, "Send it back!" You might imagine the variety of responses that brought.
With love and best wishes, Pattie Crossett