Would it spoil some vast eternal plan?

It’s 5:30 am (MST), haven’t slept a wink… that means I’m back on Dextamethasome. I take this in conjunction with a Chemo medicine called Cytoxan, which seems to be the most effective (if not only chemo that has an affect on the Cancer).

There are blogs that I’ve really hesitated writing and posting. There have been many that I’ve written and deleted because I thought they would be too hard to read. This is one of them. I know the affect they have on those who have been following. You have faith, joy, and hope when we have faith, joy, and hope. You also mourn when we mourn. You suffer when we suffer. And I know you weep when we weep. To me this blog has reasons to weep, but also reasons to show faith and hope. I’ll explain.

We met with Dr. Tricot on Tuesday and frankly the news was mixed. He did his best to put a positive spin on things. He said the results from the PET/CT Scan were inconclusive or could be clouded by the Nulasta shot that I recently had. But upon reading the report, they made the statement that the results were not clouded by the Nulasta shot. Also, when we spoke with him on Monday the results from the Bone Marrow Biopsy were not in. The report came in Wednesday and again, the news was not good. It showed 60% plasma content. 10% means you have Multiple Myeloma. 60% is obviously a very high, discouraging percentage.

Marleigh seems to think that he is trying to protect me from the bad news.

The simple fact is that those who are diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma (MM) will die from it (unless they are first struck by lightning, run over by a car, etc). There is no cure, yet. We’ve known this from the beginning and I hope we’ve communicated that through these blogs. The million dollar question is ‘how much time do we MM patients have to live’. We’ve heard numbers ranging from 2 years to over 10 years. From the beginning my MM has been very aggressive, I’ve made Dr. Tricots’ top 5 list of aggressive cases (of over 5000 patients). So, right off the bat the odds have been against me.

Nobody has been willing to give their best guess for the amount of time I have left… until now. When we met with our Oncologists/Medical professions at both Dartmouth and Huntsman they estimated less than a year. One estimated less than half that.

Things we know… I have tumors that continue to grow; both internally and externally. You should see the nasty ones on the top of my head and the equally nasty ones growing on the two ports on my chest. We are going to radiate the big ones on my head and the ones on my chest. The radiation worked on the tumors on my lip and gum, so we think it’ll work on these four. We know the Cytoxan has had an affect on the tumors. After each round they have been reduced. We also know that they come back quickly (except on the radiated ones). This is an indication that the Cancer is alive and well.

Things that we don’t know… we don’t know the affect the new routine/mix of drugs will have. At the onset, Dr. Tricot said it would take 6 weeks to 3 months (and maybe up to 6 months) to know if it is having any affect. So we are still waiting for these drugs to kick in. For me, this still gives me hope and encouragement. I know it’s a long shot, but somehow, someday, and on someone they will find a cure for MM. Why not THIS? Why not NOW? Why not ME? Again, stealing a thread from Fiddler on the Roof; Tevye asks ‘Would it spoil some vast eternal plan, if I was a wealthy man?’ Well, I’m asking ‘Would it spoil some vast eternal plan, if I were to beat this Cancer?’

Now, there are things the Medical Professionals don’t know when they make their prognosis… They don’t know that I am full of faith. I believe I’m going to beat their time frames, maybe by a lot. It could be this new routine/mix of drugs that I’m taking. I could make medical history with this new treatment. Maybe that’s my mission.

I’m more inclined to think it’s because of the faith and prayers of my family and friends. Because of blessings and Temple and Church prayer rolls. As I pray, I’m comforted. I know that I’m in Gods hands, that His Will will be done. If that means the short end of the time frame then that’s what it means. But I hope it means the longer end of the time frame. I’d settle for somewhere towards the upper end of the time frame, say 7 years- Do you think God negotiates ; ) Again, I’m at peace. And I think my family is getting there too, at least that is what I pray for.

Marleigh keeps reminding me of the account of Abraham and Isaac in the Old Testament (Genesis 22 for those interested).

Genesis 22: 1-2, 6-13
“And it came to pass after these things, that God did tempt Abraham, and said unto him, Abraham: and he said, Behold, here I am. And he said, Take now thy son, thine only son Isaac, whom thou lovest, and get thee into the land of Moriah; and offer him there for a burnt offering upon one of the mountains which I will tell thee of… And Abraham took the wood of the burnt offering, and laid it upon Isaac his son; and he took the fire in his hand, and a knife; and they went both of them together. And Isaac spake unto Abraham his father, and said, My father: and he said, Here am I, my son. And he said, Behold the fire and the wood: but where is the lamb for a burnt offering? And Abraham said, My son, God will provide himself a lamb for a burnt offering: so they went both of them together. And they came to the place which God had told him of; and Abraham built an altar there, and laid the wood in order, and bound Isaac his son, and laid him on the altar upon the wood. And Abraham stretched forth his hand, and took the knife to slay his son. And the angel of the Lord called unto him out of heaven, and said, Abraham, Abraham: and he said, Here am I. And he said, Lay not thine hand upon the lad, neither do thou any thing unto him: for now I know that thou fearest God, seeing thou hast not withheld thy son, thine only son from me. And Abraham lifted up his eyes, and looked, and behold behind him a ram caught in a thicket by his horns: and Abraham went and took the ram, and offered him up for a burnt offering in the stead of his son.”
(end of scripture).

It was at only at the LAST MOMENT that the angel of the Lord called ‘Lay not thine hand upon the lad, neither do thou any thing unto him’ and then the Lord provided him a ram caught in the thickets to be offered instead. I believe that my life may come down to the last moments, but there will be a ram in the thickets to be offered instead.

The good news… My appetite has been good and I’m gaining weight. Both positive signs that I’m still battling. My energy level is good and I remain active; this past week I’ve been fishing 3 times and went up in an ultralight airplane (may be a stretch to call it an airplane) once. Picture a lawn mower with wings (check out the pictures). Thanks Glen, Van, and Grandpa. It was a blast and I hope for a repeat of both activities. I’m still working, I have a great job that allows me to work a majority of my time out of my home office. My next scheduled travel trip is to Chicago in August. I plan on being there. I've just purchased Elk hunting tags for this fall and plan on taking my boys on a great hunting trip.

Marleigh mentioned our recent trip to New England. We love and miss the good people there. It was so good to see our many friends and family. We felt your love and support. Thank you.

Well, I’m going to end this. I know it’s been a mixed bag. Please keep us in your prayer (thoughts if you’re not inclined to praying). I can’t tell you what it means to us, it fills us with love and support.

Blaine